Jelly Lurve
by Cameo Vincenti
Summary: In the midst of working on the the Kira case, L and company are faced with an even bigger problem; Japan has been overrun with floating jellyfish!
1. Enter Jelly

**Enter Jelly

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With the shades to his apartment room drawn, L sat down in a rather plush red chair, eyeing the masterpiece which sat before him. His favorite sweet treat; shortcake with whipped cream and a ripe strawberry, set on a small green plate. For a baked good, it was an absolute work of art. Every detail perfect, the placement of the berry exquisitely accentuating the crisp golden buttery cakey goodness, and a small mountain of whipped cream to balance the flavors of the dessert. But that was all beside the point, since L only really loved shortcake because it was delicious.

As he was about to take a bite, something highly unusual caught his attention. There, floating in midair like some gelatinous balloon, was a blue jellyfish. L cocked his head at the creature. _What is this? Could it really be a jellyfish?_ A number of other questions came up. For one, what was it doing there in the first place? And second, how the _hell_ did it get there? L was about 76% sure it was a jellyfish, and not a hallucination from eating too much sugar or a lack of sleep from working on the Kira case. Yes, it was definitely a floating jellyfish.

The spineless creature reached out with a blue tentacle, as if to shake 'hands' with L, but instead wrapped itself around his precious shortcake, yanked it from his grasp, and proceeded to fly lazily away with it. L was completely stunned.

The jellyfish headed towards a large window which overlooked the city. L had pulled the blinds simply so he could enjoy his treat in privacy (he liked an intimate setting when it came to sweets), but now the jellyfish opened them back up. Whether or not the jellyfish actually had a plan for escaping or was just doing random things, since cnidarians have no brains, this act temporarily blinded the confused and sugar-crazed detective. The jelly then closed the blinds, obviously having forgotten that the window would have made an excellent escape route. It proceeded to float towards the front of the apartment.

Once L could see again, he witnessed the thieving jellyfish about to make its getaway with his precious treat through the main entrance. Almost instinctively, he leaped towards the creature and smacked it with the backside of his hand. Both invertebrate and cake flew through the air. L dove to the ground, catching his beloved shortcake whilst the jellyfish smacked into a wall and fell to the carpet. Somehow, it got up unscathed, and rushed back towards L, 'head'-butting him and knocking him off balance. It then caught the goodie and hastily floated again to the door.

Rubbing his forehead, L pulled himself up with the aid of his chair and spun around to meet the jellyfish face-to-foot. Ok, jellyfish don't exactly have faces, but L managed to kick it where a face would have been had it not been a jellyfish. This time the jelly hurtled towards the shade-drawn window, breaking straight through the glass. Luckily, L's cake landed neatly on the floor beneath the window with not a crumb out of place. L felt a mixture of relief and annoyance, and this little skirmish brought up even more questions about the jellyfish he couldn't answer. Sighing, he picked up the plate of cake and took a bite. The sugar calmed him quickly, and soon, sans the strawberry, the cake had been consumed.

L stuck his fork into the plump berry and walked over to the broken window. He should have been wearing shoes or something, since there was a good deal of shattered glass on the floor. However, his shoes were in another room, and L did step carefully to avoid the glass. Nonetheless, it's just not safe to walk barefoot around broken glass. L should know that...he's a genius or something.

Anyway, he reached the window without hurting himself and proceeded to open the shades. Again, he was blinded by the bright light. His vision cleared faster this time, but L quickly wished it hadn't. His strawberry fell to the ground. In a very un-L-like fashion, he muttered the words, "Holy shit".

The entire city was overrun with jellyfish. They were attached to cars and busses, hanging from power lines, and even crossing streets. The creature which had attempted to steal L's cake was just one among millions of jellies now littering the city. As if to add insult to injury, about thirty lavender-colored jellyfish came floating out of nowhere and stuck themselves to the pane. A little disgusted and 100% confuzzled, L pulled the blinds closed.

The Kira case was going to have to wait.

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So...

This is a crack-fanfic me and a friend were supposed to write together, but we never got around to it and I had this chapter floating around on my computer for about 2 years. I am finally posting it! New chapters soon to come (hopefully). Review and all that jazz ;)

C. Vincenti


	2. Meanwhile

**Meanwhile...**

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Yagami Raito and Takada Kiyomi strode across the college campus together, an obvious couple to any onlooker, but without being TOO obvious. More like...they respected each others' boundaries to the point that holding hands was absolutely not an option. 'Personal Space', but taken to the next level. For Raito it was the ideal situation, since he personally did not want to become very involved with Takada-san. He had much bigger problems to worry about, especially with the discovery of the second Kira's identity. Amane Misa was, to him, less of a mixed blessing and more of how an optimist would view a curse ("Oh, surely something good will come of it! Stay positive!"). She was relentless in her pursuit of getting his attention, something which drove Raito nuts. Nevertheless, with her help he would soon have the famed L dead at his feet, and the entire world would be brought to its knees, at the mercy of the god named Kira.

At that moment, Takada tapped Raito on his shoulder, dragging him out of his ego-gasm-tastic fantasy-land and quite blatantly having forgotten the 'no-touching-whatsoever-rule'. A little irked, he turned towards her. _Don't get upset, she IS a woman after all..._"What is it?"

Takada pointed towards one of the windows of the rec center. She looked puzzled.

"Raito...What exactly is that?" Humoring her, he looked up towards the third floor of the rec center, and discovered the reason for her unprecedented shoulder-tap. There, idling there like nobodies business, was a jellyfish. It didn't appear as if anybody else had noticed the royal blue cnidarian chillin' up there, but then most people were too busy trying to get to their next class before the professor said something of the utmost importance which would be on the final exam and worth 90% of their grade.

"...I think it's a jellyfish..."

Now Raito had seen some pretty weird shit in his life. The Death Note, and his 'pet Shinigami' Ryuuku were proof enough of that. But this was completely unexpected. While Raito was neither shocked nor horrified ("OMG! A JELLYFISH! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!"), he did not know what to make of it. His first reaction, being the overly paranoid person he was, immediately thought it must be part of L's plan to reveal that he was indeed Kira. But, being the brilliant and dashingly handsome young man he was, Raito thought better of it. How would a jellyfish be useful in any way for this sort of thing? _Maybe it's a disguised camera..._ This too proved to be too far-fetched and retarded of an explanation. A camera disguised as a jellyfish is about as obvious as a black man at a Ku Klux Klan convention, and just as stupid if not more so as a comb that untangles all your hair AT ONCE (or a device created for the sole purpose of keeping ramen noodles from flying onto your nice clean shirt, which, by the way, looks like a human version of the cone dogs wear after a visit to the veterinarian...).

"It's probably nothing Takada-san. Don't get so worried about things that don't matter."

"I wasn't worried, it just caught my attention."

"Well, it's not a danger to us."

Raito would very soon afterwards be forced to eat those words, for just moments after he spoke, the singular jellyfish disappeared behind the building, only to reappear with a whole spineless army of jellies! Now Raito was horrified.

The 'Commander' jellyfish waved its tentacles about, and like some epic scene from The Matrix, the entire swarm poured down in a single column and towards the couple. For fear of his own life, Raito shrieked and knocked Takada down as he ran the opposite direction of the advancing jellyfish army. He had barely made it past the tennis court when he lost his footing and stumbled to the ground. As his life flashed before his eyes, he realized something. _Where the fuck is Ryuuku?_ For some reason, he hadn't seen him after class, or right before the jellyfish began attacking him. Speaking of which, the jellies fell upon Raito and immediately incapacitated him by means of binding his arms and legs with their tentacles. For some reason, the tentacles did not sting him, something which did not in the slightest make him feel any better about the situation. He was hoisted off the ground and carried off to parts unknown, which ended up being the roof of a very tall building downtown. Still bound, Raito has dragged to the floor, where he witnessed the mass of jellyfish parting to make way for what may have been the most spiritually enlightening experience in his young life, despite being scared enough to pee his pants. With the sun shining behind it in all its majesty, a rainbow jellyfish floated through the crowds of its lesser brethren towards the terrified and awed mass-murderer. It sat motionless several feet in front of Raito for a few moments, and then flew at his face and attacked him. Following suit, the other jellyfish did the same thing. Raito had never thought it would end like this...

* * *

"Okaa-san, did you hear something?"

"No Sayu, it was probably the wind."

"Oh. I could have sworn it sounded like Onii-chan being attacked by a swarm of jellyfish."

"...What...?"

* * *

This pretty much guarantees my spot in Hell. But that's ok, because my friend Kellee is driving the bus to Hell, and he's picking up everyone else along the way. We'll sing songs, play road-trip games, and make perverted jokes until we reach the Gates Of Hell. We'll be welcomed in by the Devil himself.

And then a few hours later Satan will be scared shitless of me and Kellee, and demand we leave. No, he'll be too scared to do that, so he'll just leave on his own and hitchhike to Mexico or something. Then me and Kellee will have total reign over Hell! BUAHAHAHAHA!

Are you terrified yet? Because you should be. To quote from Dane Cook, "You really are out of your fucking mind!". And ain't it the truth. If me and that rabbit thing from Donnie Darko fornicated, this would be the poor, demented child.

Anyways...

I'm actually re-reading the entire Death Note manga so I can remember the order of events and the names of characters in the story(I'm terrible with names). This chapter hopefully gives you all an idea of when this is supposed to take place (right after Raito and Misa meet for those of you who didn't catch that). Oh, and because I've never watched the dubbed anime of Death Note, I keep the names of all the characters in Japanese, and place the family name before the first name. It's how I roll.

C. Vincenti


	3. In Rainbows

**In Rainbows**

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Sitting down in his plush red chair, L contemplated the events which had recently taken place. He had about five minutes before the team would show up. In fact, that was the whole reason he was calling the investigation crew together for a meeting. L honestly needed input. The whole incident with the jellyfish stealing his cake had bothered him immensely and he would not rest until that issue had been cleared and resolved. But, being the sugar freak he was, L knew the only reason he really wanted to pursue this was because his sweets had nearly been taken away from him, and he wanted some sort of revenge on the spineless creatures which now inhabited the city. If it had anything to do with Kira, that was just a bonus.

The jellyfish thing was actually quite popular in the media, even compared to when Sakura TV had aired the tapes sent by the second Kira. People liked hot news, and apparently jellyfish fit the bill, even if they were a bit...strange. No, actually, the stranger the better. Audiences would eat up anything they found to be out of the norm.

At that moment, Watari buzzed L.

"L; Yagami, Mogi and Matsuda have arrived."

"Please let them in Watari."

"Yes sir."

The three men were escorted up to L's room and proceeded to turn off their cellphones, as was standard before every meeting. They all greeted L politely, except for Matsuda who couldn't stop going on about the current situation they were in.

"Oh wow! Have you seen what's going on in the city? There are jellyfish everywhere! It's insane! I'm so worried leaving my car or home to go outside, I think one of the jellyfish might try and sting me." He was laughing in his shy, embarrassed way.

"Matsuda-san, I am already aware of the situation. That is why I called this meeting."

"Oh, right...hehe." Matsuda's cheeks flushed red.

L turned his attention to the cup of black tea on the table. He took a sip of it, grimaced (no, not grimaced. He made a face out of utter disgust so powerful that it could have given Zoolander's look _Magnum_ a run for its money), and set the cup back down.

"As Matsuda-san pointed out, the city has been overrun with floating jellyfish. There is no other way to put it. Just today, I had an encounter with one. It was a rather violent encounter. I twisted my elbow during the fight."

The team sat listening intently, except for Mogi, who just sat staring like he always does. Yagami Soichirou made a slightly startled noise.

"Violent? Just what happened during your encounter Ryuuzaki?"

L tilted his head back and placed his thumb against his lips before explaining.

"Well, what basically happened was that it stole my shortcake and I had to fight it to get it back."

They sat silently, startled at this information. L spoke again.

"I think we can safely assume that these are no ordinary jellyfish. They are clearly capable of making rational decisions, and they appear to usually travel in packs, although the one that stole my cake was alone. Also, I've identified two different types of jellyfish. They are either blue or violet, and come in any shade of those two colors."

"...And they float." Matsuda chimed in.

"Yes, Matsuda-san, they float too." Today, the young man was getting on L's nerves just a bit more than usual.

He picked up a sugar cube from a nearby bowl and dropped it into his tea before continuing.

"Whether these jellyfish have anything to do with Kira is not known. I would say the chances of the two being connected is around 4%. For personal reasons, I would like to pursue this, but I desire your input on the matter before doing such a thing." For L to even consider the opinions of the team meant this must be of extreme importance to him. Well, the fate of his sweets was at stake, so obviously it meant a lot to L. But the Kira case was also important, and he didn't want to just _give up_ on it. Giving up was the same as losing to him. His ego wouldn't be able to handle it.

He picked up four more sugar cubes and let them drop into his tea with a satisfying plunk.

"What do all of you think? I'd like to hear your individual opinions on the matter."

All three members of the team present made an audible gasp, as though they had never thought L to be considerate enough to actually even _value_ their opinions. Soichirou was the first to voice his thoughts.

"I think we should pursue this, even if the chances of it being connected to Kira are slim. We should explore every possibility available." Matsuda nodded in agreement. Mogi, too, though he did not speak, gave a look which meant his thoughts ran along the same lines. L added three more sugar cubes to his tea.

"So we're all in agreement to look into the possible connection between the jellyfish and Kira?"

"Yes!" was men's reply.

"Good. I suggest we first look into when exactly the jellyfish first started appearing-" There was a crash outside the room which caught the attention of everyone present. L looked over to the door, from which a hurried and frantic knock could be heard. He got up from his chair (_Damn! And it was a comfy chair too...)_ and walked over to the door. Slowly, he turned the nob, only to have the door thrust open by the visitor. The force knocked the startled detective to the ground.

"R-Raito-kun!"

Raito stood with a disturbed, terrified look on his face. But it wasn't just his face that looked disturbed. His whole appearance was disturbing. It looked as though Raito had been caught in the middle of a Gay Pride parade, or he found the end of a rainbow. The suit and tie he wore nearly everyday looked like something that should have been worn during a Skittles commercial (Taste MY rainbow, bitches!), and his hair was equally colorful. Yagami = I'm-a-gay. More or less.

"Raito! What happened to you?" Soichirou ran over to his son's aid.

"Tou-san, I'm alright. Physically, anyway..." He collapsed to his knees. _Ow...My pride..._ L got back on his feet and assessed the situation.

"Raito-kun...Did...The jellyfish do this to you?"

"Yeah. I was attacked by a swarm of jellyfish. They carried me off and..." He sat down on L's plush red chair (_Hey! That's __MY chair!) _with his head in his hands.

"It was strange...It's like they captured me so I could be judged by their leader...Or their _God_." This comment caught L's attention greatly.

"God?"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki. There was a rainbow jellyfish that all the other jellyfish seemed to revere. It was that one that did this-" He motioned to his whole being, "-to me."

L bit his thumb in thought. _A jellyfish God? There must be some reason for their sudden appearance..._

"I fear I may have underestimated them. These jellyfish..." He picked up his cup of tea and took a sip. L gazed at his visage in the cup and sucked down what sugary liquid was left. _This tea has 100% sweetness. _"...I fear these jellyfish are not of this world."

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Finally! New chapter! Sorry this took a while, I've been busy with work and my new story Time For Tea (which is about Beyond Birthday in case you haven't read it yet). I had a bit of a hard time writing this, because all I've been writing for a straight week is horror. My 'humor' style is veeeeeerrrry different from my horror style (and my romance style is yet again distinctly different). The funny in this chapter did not, in my opinion, really get going until Raito's new look is revealed. I love that, that he was turned all rainbow XD just to bash in his face for being such a bastard all the time. I had to.

K, because I dun know what is going to happen next yet, expect chapter 4 to take a little while. I'll try and post it as soon as I can, but in the meantime you should look at my BB fanfic I'm working on.

Reviews, as usual, are always welcome.

C. Vincenti


	4. I Feel Pretty And Gay

**I Feel Pretty (And Gay)**

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And so began the tedious process of searching for answers. Had this been a wrestling match, it would have been L against Kira. Well, honestly, that was how the competition had always been. Something just wouldn't be quite right with the world if those two weren't pitted against each other in some way. Anyways...

The stakes were different on each side. For L, the sole purpose of investigating the jellyfish was to protect his beloved sweets. Definitely a just cause. At the same time, if anything relating the jellies to Kira happened to be discovered, the detective would take all necessary actions to use this to his advantage and bring the mass murderer's reign to an end. Whew, that took a lot of breath...

For the other contender, his reason for pursuing the investigation actually ran along similar lines. But instead of defense, Yagami Raito was on the offense. He wanted revenge, simple as that. He had been kidnapped and basically gang-raped by a mass of jellyfish, and he would not rest until he had found a way to bring them to justice.

Pausing a moment to rethink that statement, Raito realized that this must be the same way L felt regarding the Kira case. This similarity disturbed him and left a bad taste in his mouth. _Maybe something to eat will help me rid myself of it... _Because he was now at home instead of headquarters, he strode into the kitchen for his favorite snack; consomme flavored potato chips. He opened the bag dramatically and took up a chip in hand, then ate it in a dazzling, extravagant fashion. Sparkles (srsly?) flew off as he ate.

"Onii-chan, why do have to eat potato chips so dramatically?" Sayu had just wandered in and witnessed her brother's strange eating habits involving oddly tasting junk food items (of which were sold for ¥395 per 400 grams at the local grocery store...). He paused midway through a chip to reply.

"It's not dramatic, it's just how I like to eat." _A little show but not over the top. Don't judge me because I like to eat this way! If someone were watching me, I would want them to think only the best of me. Something like, 'Oh! This guy looks GREAT eating chips. So dashing and handsome, he couldn't possibly be a mass murderer! Kira would never dream of eating chips with such pizzazz.'..._

"Yeah..._right_. Oh, hey, so what are you going to do now that you're all rainbow-y and stuff?"

When Raito and Soichirou had returned home the previous night, his family's initial reaction had been one of shock. And rightfully so. An honor student, _their prodigy_, now looked like a sno-cone with a tie. Yes, the tie was rainbow too. When his mother and sister first saw him, Sachiko dropped the plates she was carrying and Sayu started laughing hysterically. Neither helped settle Raito's mind. And while his family had gotten used to his new look in a relatively short amount of time, he still felt insecure and unsettled.

His reputation, though it hinged primarily on his superior testing and studying skills, also relied heavily upon his physical appearance. He was Japan's top student, and now he was rainbow. In his mind, 'rainbow' and 'awesome' could not possibly form a sentence together. Rainbows were juvenile, not serious enough, too colorful. DEFINITELY not him. And then there came the more modern connotation following rainbows and the people who wore them...

_I am NOT gay. But people who don't know me or are stupid won't know that just by looking at me. My entire reputation could be destroyed by this!_ He hadn't wanted to leave the house all day for fear of being discovered.

Raito's train of thought became disrupted when he heard a knock on the front door.

"I'll get it!" Sayu ran hurriedly to the door.

"Oh, hello! Just a sec...ONII-CHAN~ YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS HERE!"

_Goddamit!_

Forcing a calm look upon his face, the colorful young man walked to the front door to face Misa. He wasn't sure what her reaction was going to be, something he considered strange considering she was fairly predictable emotion-wise, though she was a little reckless. As usual, she was garbed in a Gothic-Lolita outfit, complete with matching jewelry and a purse.

Upon seeing Raito, she dropped the purse and covered her mouth with her hands. A terrified look came across her pretty face. She was so stunned she couldn't even speak (_You not talking is not a good sign...Is it that bad?). _

"Uhm...Misa...?"

Her eyes were wide in what Raito thought to be terror, but this look was soon replaced by...was that laughter? Misa still had her hands over her mouth, but she was obviously now using them to hide the fact that she could not hold back a fit of giggles. Laughter erupted and she doubled over, clutching her side. Midway through a rather hearty laugh, she snorted. Loudly. Her giggle fit ended as she held her nose, which began bleeding profusely. _Ha! Serves you right for laughing at me, you dumb bitch!_

In an attempt to play 'good boyfriend', Raito led Misa up to his bathroom and procured a large bunch of toilet paper for her bloody nose. Once the flow had been staunched, they went to his bedroom where he promptly locked the door so they could chat in private. Misa embraced her beloved Raito.

"Oh, Raito, I'm so happy to see you! I couldn't wait until next week I had to see you now. But...What happened to you while Misa was away?"

Now in this situation, normally Raito would have told her exactly what happened to him. His enemies, the jellyfish, would thus become HER enemies, and this could better help him in conquering them. But...there was something that prevented him from doing so. If L was so obsessed with the jellies, couldn't _Kira_ use this to his advantage? Distract the sugar-crazed detective, find a way to get his name? Already he had a plan forming, and though it was only a crude, general idea, perhaps it could work for him. He wouldn't tell Misa about his encounter, not yet anyway...

"Oh, my uh, clothes were put in the washer with several packets of Kool-Aid and came out this way. I don't know what Sayu was thinking when she did the laundry. And my hair...it was a dare from one of my buddies at the college." _Misa will believe ANYTHING I say._

The statement put Misa visibly at ease and she wrapped her arms around the mass murderer in an affectionate hug.

"Well, I still love my Raito-kun...even if he does look a little..._gay_..."

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Finally! Sorry, took for f***ing ever, I've had TEH WRITERS' BLOCK and been busy with work (I'm a host-busser at a local restaurant :D ). This chapter doesn't really do anything or go anywhere, it mostly just sets up what's to happen next. And oh, how things will be happening! Exciting exciting.

What do you think? Would you buy Raito's excuse? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Please review!

C. Vincenti


	5. Like A Gold Fish

**Like A Gold Fish**

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The 'gay' comment obviously bothered Raito, but he pushed it aside for the moment. Now was not the time to worry about such things, but instead come up with a plan of sorts. His genius mind was already concocting a grand and brilliant scheme (as was expected of Japan's top scholar, _of course_).

"Misa, I have a favor to ask of you."

"What is it?" Her blue eyes were wide with a look that somehow made her appear even more stupid than usual. _How is that even possible?_

"This has to do with my plans as Kira. As of this moment, I'm not sure where the jellyfish came from or what their motive is, if they have any. I want you to find out as much as you can about them. Sort of like field research, spend time around them and observe their actions, but don't do anything that might...anger them." He added the last part a little hesitantly.

"Hehehehe that won't be necessary. I can tell you about the jellyfish if you want." Ryuuku had just materialized into the room, making Raito jump about ten meters vertically in shock (That's right, straight through the roof and everything. I don't know! It's a hyperbole, deal with it.), but quickly his surprise was replaced with the look of absolute pissed-off-ness.

"Where the fuck have you been Ryuuku! Yesterday a mass of goddam jellyfish jumped me at the college, and you were no where around! You call yourself loyal..."

"Uhm, actually, I don't."

_Fuck you, shinigami._

The blonde by Raito's side tugged on his sleeve in worry. "Raito-kun, the jellyfish attacked you?"

"No, Misa, they stopped me on campus and asked if I wanted to join their double-dutch group. I think it's time you were going. I'll call you tomorrow with the rest of my plan. Now go."

"But Raito I just got here! Can't you at least walk me home?"

"No."

"A good-night kiss?"

"Leave, lesser sex!" He pushed the girl out his door and she practically fell down the stairs. Not caring to see if she was ok or not, he closed his bedroom door and locked it again, facing the pathetic excuse for a shinigami in front of him.

"So what is it, Ryuuku? You know something about these jellyfish, so tell me."

"Hmm, well you were being kinda a bastard just a bit ago, and I'm also not on your side so I dunno if I feel like telling you now."

"Tell me you fucking shinigami!" Raito didn't need to yell the command, his facial expression alone was so terrifying it could have caused a room full of kindergarteners...scratch that, _high school seniors_...to start crying for their mommies. It sure scared the shit out of Ryuuku, who stood staring in fear of the young college student.

"Uh, well, yeah, ok..."

The mass murderer sat down in his spinning chair (weeeeeeeee!) and crossed his legs.

"Well? I'm waiting Ryuuku."

"Right...Uhm, couldn't you get me an apple first? I'll tell you what I know after that."

"Sigh. Fine. You're so pathetic." He went downstairs and retrieved a red fruit from the kitchen, then noticed his unfinished bag of chips and took that with him as well. Back in his room Ryuuku was waiting impatiently like a puppy waits for a treat (or, to be honest, how my goldfish Nero looks when I take out his fish food and show it to him. Seriously! It's friggin cute...). The death god dove to catch the apple as Raito threw it into the air, then devoured it on the spot.

Wiping his mouth, Ryuuku began explaining the jellyfish. "There's not a whole lot to talk about, but I will tell you everything I know. First, those jellyfish come from the Shinigami world."

Raito had a surprised look on his face, and was about to ask something but was cut off before he could.

"In the past, shinigamis kept these jellyfish as pets of sorts. This was long before my time, however, and shinigamis nowadays just gamble and sleep. I'm not actually quite sure why they aren't kept as pets anymore, but I think it has to do with Jerii-sama."

"Jerii-sama?"

"The jellyfish overlord. I think he had plans of his own and told his loyal subjects to leave the Shinigami world. It's just a guess, but this invasion that's going on right now is probably part of his plan."

_Jellyfish overlord...Was that the rainbow jellyfish? The other jellyfish appeared to revere it, so it must be Jerii-sama. Fucking bastard jellyfish! Made me a goddam rainbow! I hate being rainbow! It's so retarded! Retarded I say! *insert more bitching and whining here*_

"I'm guessing it was Jerii-sama that did this too you, huh Raito? Hehe."

"Yeah...I thought the only person I wanted dead was L, but it seems as though I've made myself a new enemy. Though strictly speaking, jellyfish are not people." He picked up his bag of chips and took one out.

"I'm going to use these jellyfish to bring down L. The situation I'm in right now, regarding both the investigation and the jellyfish, is not ideal, but I intend to make the best of it. The jellyfish will be my weapon against L, his very downfall, and Kira's victory..." With that, he held up the chip as though reenacting a scene from The Lion King. Hell, he was even facing the sunlight. **Just weird**.

"I'll take this potato chip...and-"

"Hey, Raito, how do you plan on beating L with jellyfish?"

"Oh? Quite simply, actually..." He turned towards Ryuuku.

_Pause for effect...Damn, I'm such a badass, even if I am rainbow._

"...I'll make him believe Kira and the jellyfish are working together." And with that, he ate his chip, sparkles flying off in all their salty glory.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we have another chapter. Yeah, I know I haven't updated this in like a long ass time, but Time For Tea has been eating me alive. Like seriously, that's all I think about. I'm gonna try and be a good little girl and update this story more often, k?

BTW I'm trying something a bit new here. When I interject to add my own thoughts during the plot (as I enjoy doing so very often), I'm going to start using first person here and there depending on the situation. I made a mention to my gold fish Nero. Yup, he's real. His full name is Nero Caulenfield (because he's a badass like that). It is really quite adorable, when I get close to his bowl he knows I'm going to feed him and he gets really excited. It's something that, if you saw it, you'd immediately go vegetarian. Just because it's so damn cute ^^

Raito's plan is going to get rolling soon. You may notice that many of the events which are to take place will seem rather...Familiar? Just wait and see ;D

C. Vincenti


	6. The Cake Is A Lie

**The Cake Is A Lie**

* * *

The past few days had passed by with relative uneventfulness, much to L's dismay. The only real initial plan of action the investigation team had had was to interview random people who claimed to know about the jellyfish. Doing such would have been a total waste of time though, and there's only so much random citizens (eg. manga authors who never leave their house, manga artists who were finally able to watch that stack of DVD's after completing a series...) could possibly know about this. The best information available came straight from the 6 o'clock news, but that really wasn't much better.

The likelihood of Kira having anything to do with the cnidarians had not raised a single percentage point, and the young detective was getting rather antsy and annoyed. He was much more snappish than usual, something strangely out of character for him as he always kept his cool under pressure. Matsuda, trying to boost moral and possibly inspire L to think up an answer, bought him a bar of chocolate one day. Unfortunately, the logo printed on the wrapper clearly indicated that this specific bar of chocolate was meant for moody woman. It said in bright gold letters "PMS BAR", and caused L to verbally lash out at the young man. Though it had only been a mistake on Matsuda's part, L did an excellent job proving just how appropriate it was for describing his situation and mood swings. Men can PMS too, it's not unheard of.

After four days of fruitless searching and adult tantrums, there finally came a lead. Aizawa was the one to announce it.

"Ryuuzaki, we just received a report of a dozen criminals dying of heart attacks today."

"Kira, of course." L was pretty calm right now, lucky for Aizawa. He pressed onwards as the raven haired man before him sucked on some pink hard candy .

"This will probably interest you. According to the report, the twelve prisoners were each followed by a jellyfish 24 hours before their murders. And three of them left behind notes before dying."

L stuck his tongue out and the candy slid off onto the carpet below. The news came as somewhat of a shock and blessing to him.

"Let me see the report Aizawa-san." The fro'd man handed him a stack of paper which included the full police report, several photos, and copies of said notes. All in all, the stack was about, oh, I'd say the same amount of paper as a high school student receives every night as homework. So a hella lot of paper. (If I remember correctly, there was this sign that said "Save a tree; go to school" somewhere. Kind of contradicts itself, even if the school recycles. 90% of those Cornell notes, review sheets and practice tests never make it into that blue bin...tsk tsk tsk.).

Analyzing the notes for any possible message, L stumbled across something that was eerily familiar to him. If he read just the top line of each note, it spelled out a message. All three formed a taunt of sorts which brought L back to several months earlier.

**_L..._**

**_ Do you know..._**

**_ Shinigamis keep jellyfish as pets?_**

For Kira to leave such an obvious message, in exactly the same way as he had back in December, meant he was surely up to something. L bit his thumb and thought things through (By which I mean he overanalyzed every detail like the OCD nerd he was.).

_Kira is definitely involved in this, there's no doubt about that. The jellyfish being involved could mean he's working with them, and the note he left states an obvious clue that he knows something about these jellyfish he's not telling. However, knowing Kira he would never openly say that he and the jellyfish had joined forces. Which leads me to believe that this note is fake and he's bluffing. The fact that it was presented in exactly the same manner as before must mean he wanted me to figure it out easily. _

He picked out another candy and stuck it in his mouth before continuing his mental rant.

_ But...that would mean Kira probably left the note fully aware that I would completely dismiss it. For him to come to such conclusions, it is likely he set it all up knowing I would think this. He must have left the note as an attempt to confuse me and convince me that it IS all a lie, which only serves to strengthen the idea that he and the jellyfish are indeed working as a single unit. The notes are just to fool me, but it's clear that Kira intends to conspire with these creature for his own purposes. You manipulative bastard! It only makes sense he would use them to target me at my weakest points, Kira wants me dead at all costs. You're obviously working with the jellyfish! _

Leaping to his feet with awkward grace (What, he took ballet when he was ten. Big deal.), he faced the startled Aizawa with extremely wide eyes.

"...What is it Ryuuzaki? Have you figured something out?"

"..."

"Ryuuzaki?"

"..."

"Are you ok?"

Without warning, the detective threw his arms into the air.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"

All Aizawa could do was stare. Ignoring the look the afroman gave him (Akin to the 'multiple head stare' or "Are you out of your fucking mind?" face.), L took out his phone and called up Mogi, who was the only member of the task force not present. Well truthfully, only Aizawa was in the room with L, but everyone else including Watari was there working on the case in another room. They had kept their distance the past few days because they didn't want to deal with L being bitchy, and today was no exception.

"Mogi-san, I need you to keep an eye on Raito-kun for the next few days. Report anything suspicious you see to me. Thank you." He hung up and shoved another candy into his mouth, biting down hard rather than sucking on it, then spun around and ran into the other room.

"Watari! I need a cup of black tea and a dozen maple bars..."

In the other room, Aizawa sat down and face palmed, thinking something along the lines of "PMSing L is even weirder than normal L. I didn't know that was possible..."

* * *

I would have posted something sooner like I promised I would, but I've been having trouble writing this past month. Stupid funk got me down. I'm mostly better now though :)

Next chapter should hopefully be out within a week. I will try hard to keep this promise!

**EDIT: K, peoples, maybe I'm just being impatient, but it seems to me that the majority of you have either forgotten how to review or are just saying 'fuck it all' to the entire act of doing so. Reviews are important to writers! Just because I don't put a little note that says "Please review bitch!" doesn't mean I don't appreciate feedback. Even if it's just "I lyk ur story", or even if you hate it, please do let me know. The species _Psychous authorus_ subsists primarily off of reviews and caffeine, so if you you could be so kind as to leave a note, I would be most happy :3**

C. Vincenti


	7. Woman These Days

**Woman These Days**

* * *

Despite his initial intense fear of returning to the college campus while still in rainbows, Raito eventually managed to pull himself together and venture forth to greet his fellow classmates once again. Admittedly he got some stares, but nobody dared label him in any way (though a number of students got away with making the joke that Yagami-kun would now pass all his exams with 'flying colors'...).

He was out walking from his third hour to lunch with Takada, and they were casually talking about their day. Well, she was still pretty pissed that he'd shoved her to the ground when the jellyfish swarmed him, but seeing the state of Raito's appearance, she'd dropped all grudges against him and decided the jellies had done a better job of getting even than she ever could have. And besides, they _were_ dating. Every couple has their conflicts.

Even rainbow ones.

Anyways...

Raito was having a pretty good day. His 'change in wardrobe' and 'new hairstyle', as he told curious onlookers, hadn't destroyed his reputation after all, and Kiyomi had forgiven him for pushing her. Not that he cared about _that_, but still. However, as they passed the english building, Raito caught sight of L chillaxin on a bench reading a tiny book (500 Cupcakes, to be specific), and his entire mood went south.

"Hey! Yagami-kun!" L waved in his direction.

_ What the fuck is he doing here? Goddamit L, you idiot._

"Takada-san, I'm going to talk to my friend. I'll see you later." He pushed passed her and she glared at the back of his multi-colored head for canceling their lunch-date without warning.

"What are you doing here? I thought it was dangerous for you to be seen in daylight."

"You said you were lonely on campus without anyone to talk to, so I thought I'd drop in for a visit." The detective stood up and put his shoes back on.

"Yeah, it does get lonely without you in any of my classes. There's no one I can talk to on the same level here..."

"Not even Kiyomi-san?"

"Nah. Not even."

L placed his index finger against his lips and pondered a moment.

"She looked rather pissed at you."

"Probably because she's PMSing or something. Women are like that, they get mad over the most insignificant things."

"Hm...Woman these days."

"Woman these days?"

"Woman these days!"

"Ah. Woman these days."

"Those woman, these days."

"She is a women."

"Do you think we can get cake from the cafeteria?"

L's sudden change in subject caught Raito slightly unawares.

"Uh, yeah, probably..."

"I want shortcake. I hope the jellyfish haven't taken it all..." They were just starting to walk in the direction of the cafeteria when Raito heard a certain shrill-voiced blonde yelling his name and his day went to shit even more.

"RAITO! HIIIIIIIII!" Misa ran at him and the brunette had a sudden flashback to a video game where the same sort of situation (screaming girl running towards you) led to a vicious mauling. It honestly spooked him.

"Raito! I just happened to have a photo shoot here today and I thought I'd drop bye and say hi! Who's your friend?" She looked over at the wide-eyed L, who likewise was staring directly a her (_I am __looking right into your SOUL..._).

"Oh, that's a college buddy of mine, Ryuuga Hideki." The girl peered curiously (stupidly) and cocked her head slightly.

"Huh? But I don't see-"

"BLONDE HAIR YES I KNOW THAT'S BECAUSE HE ISN'T REALLY THE SAME GUY THEY JUST SHARE THE SAME NAME." Raito 'nonchalantly' cut her off and explained so she wouldn't give anything away.

"Oohhhhhh, well it's nice to meet you Ryuuga Hideki! I'm Misa, Raito's girlfriend!" The raven haired man did not return her greeting, and instead just kept staring with that utterly creeper-looking grin on his face. For about the next three minutes, no joke, _three solid minutes_, he stood staring until finally he spoke.

"Yagami-kun...I'm jealous."

_What the fuck...? _

"I've never been good with women, but you are a genius in the matter."

_ Shit, don't say it, whatever you do, don't say it in front of her!_

But L, no matter how high his IQ was, could not read minds. He persisted.

"TWO girlfriends? You are quite the pimp, my friend."

_Fuck! Now she really will maul me!_

And as if on cue, Misa turned towards her beau with a look which radiated pure and absolute deadly possessive-bitchiness. Hell had frozen over, the gods had turned their backs on Raito, and he had never wanted to pee his pants out of fright so badly before.

Except for when the jellyfish attacked him, that is.

That had been horrifying as well.

But before Misa could do anything, a crowd of people surrounded her and began demanding autographs and fan photos and such things that paparazzi would do. I wouldn't really know, I've never had a mob of fans surround me before...

With rabid fantards all around her, Misa immediately forgot the ass-kicking she meant to deliver to her dearest "Knight Light", and instead began indulging the group and answering all their pointless questions. At one point she shrieked that someone had groped her butt, and it appeared as though the great L himself was the culprit. Caught red-handed indeed.

"Uh...I DIDN'T DO IT. That is highly inappropriate and I will catch the criminal responsible!"

"Hahaha you're funny Ryuuga-san!"

L gave a tiny bow as someone from the crowd yelled out that they wanted to touch too. Damn perverts. Anyways, the fun had to end all too quickly as Misa's manager came trudging through the crowd and dragged the blonde by her ponytails to whatever work needed to be done. Misa waved goodbye and the mob dispersed, leaving Raito dumbfounded.

_That was..._

_ Interesting._

_ As much as I hate to admit it, I'll have to call her and make some sort of amends. I have to keep her happy. THAT had been scary, I really don't want to deal with...whatever that was again._

Raito shivered at the mere thought as L turned to him.

"Well, shall we go Yagami-kun?"

"Oh, yeah. Go ahead of me, I have to use the bathroom. I'll meet you over there." L nodded and walked on as Raito turned around and proceeded to call Misa.

_Better call her sooner than later..._

He dialed her number and heard it ring once.

Then he heard her ringtone go off somewhere nearby.

With the same creepy smile on his face, L held up an ill-gotten red phone at his eye level. He looked _very_ excited that the phone was ringing, and answered it just as the song was ending.

"Yes? Moshi moshi?"

"Stop it. Don't 'moshi moshi' me, that phone belongs to Misa."

"O RLY? I just found it and was wondering who it belonged to."

"Yeah, RLY. I'll return it to her, thank you." Raito walked back over.

"Ok, I understand."

"Give me the phone." _You jackass. You took it when you grabbed her butt._

L hung up and handed the phone to Raito, then continued towards the cafeteria.

_Misa has another phone, luckily. I'll call that one._

Just as he was dialing, another cellphone ringtone went off. L stopped and reached around his pocket.

"Oh, it's my own phone this time..." The detective fished out his phone, which was loudly blaring Paparazzi by Lady Gaga. Somehow the song was both weird and appropriate for him. "Yes? Ah, ok, so it's done, right? I understand." He hung up and turned towards the brunette.

"This will either come as good news or bad news to you. Amane Misa has just been arrested as a suspect of being the second Kira."

_WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?_

"Kira has been conspiring with the jellyfish, and we have video proof of Amane-san meeting up with a group of jellyfish every day for the past week and asking them personal questions. Oh, and there was a lot of evidence left behind in her room from making the Kira tapes. We just told her manager she's being arrested for drugs or something."

_That..._

_ There goes my plan._

_ Fuck. Now he'll think I'm Kira for sure. _

_ No, wait._

_ I can figure this out._

_ I'm a goddam genius, I can figure this out._

Raito put his hand over his face and lamented. "Ahh, woman these days!"

* * *

Because I am incapable of keeping my promises, I'll just not say anything anymore and simply post the chapters as I write them, WHEN I can write them, and not worry about pleasing anybody. The story will now follow the original Death Note plot line but with a twist since there are jellyfish involved. Of course! Ooh, did I say that out loud? That was supposed to be a secret...

Oh well. Hope the chapter was enjoyable! ^^

C. Vincenti


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